Today I received a letter from one of my sisters, apparently the letter was unplanned. The original idea was to send an email about her little sister’s 21st birthday on Saturday. And if you are not aware like I wasn’t, Saturday is triple seven. What a blessing for my sister‘s baby sister because 7+7+7=21. It must be a special feeling to have such a great combination of numbers.
But anyway the gist of the letter as I understood it is about the challenges that women are faced with in this demanding world or rather in the world that we make it to be so demanding. These demands can be in a form of time management, finding oneself, spirituality, values, poverty, expression, relationships and one’s role in a society. At this point my sister will think that I am just mentioning poverty because they are never moments that we interact and not mention poverty and development.
Our challenge today as youth and women is how we handle the concept of materialism. The media is successful in projecting that materialism is more important and it is an indicator for success. This is exactly the reason why I find myself not sleeping at night. Everyday I go to sleep between 23h00 and 24h00 . What is it that I’m busy with? I am doing my honours degree in communication, it is so challenging. Mind you this is not my first post graduate. I have a B-Tech in Public Relations Management which is equivalent to BA Hons. Somehow I decided that B-Tech is not good enough.
Anyway, I think I am doing ok up to now. The other reason why I don’t sleep is because I am trying to establish my business (hoping that one day I will make it in the list of ama BEEs). I think you also know somebody within your circles who has a dormant Closed Corporation. I am a mother of two, Matete (7) and Bophelo (15 months). These two are the centre of my life; I can’t imagine the world without them. I mean the reason I sleep so late is because I was told that parents should work hard and make sure that when they die, they leave something behind for their kids.
My sister’s letter
The memo requests that we write a letter to a girl who is turning 21. The purpose is to tell this girl the truth about life. I don’t know if I am qualified to be telling anyone about the truth of life. I sometimes find myself questioning the whole universe. I grabble with issues of identity, relationship etc. But anyway, I can’t say what I know about life is the truth, is more about my experiences, observations, talking to people and knowledge gained from reading.
My sister suggests that we write about issues such as love, sex, relationship, money, beauty etc.
So this is my letter to Tiyani
Dear Tiyani
Turning 21st as Tinyeleti Manyeliti alluded to means that one is ready to face the world. I don’t know what people mean by that. In our country I think people begin to face the world at tender ages of 1 and even few days and months after leaving their mother’s wombs. We are faced with the plight of poverty, HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, child headed families etc. So given these challenges, what is the beauty about turning 21?
Majority of the girls I know, don’t care about their 21st birthdays because there is nothing much to celebrate. They have more burning issues to tackle, like where their next meal will come from? And the fact that they don’t have a potential to get a job .We all know that at 21st birthdays parents get to tell the whole world about how perfect their child has been, now that she /he has a degree and has recently joined one of the top companies in the country and she/he recently bought a car (more emphasized if the car is a BMW) and she also bought a house in Sandton, Midrand etc?
I am not against people being successful. I think it is a good indicator of development. This is of course according to the Human Index Development Indicators, which are of course based on western values. As indicated above, I don’t sleep because I so want to make it in the list of the young and successful. I want to make sure that when I am no more, my kids will not live on less than $1 per day.
I didn’t not have a 21st party or a graduation party, so my mother did not get a chance to tell the whole community about me. I guess the quest to acquire material stuff is to make a statement. But at the same time I find myself wondering if all this material stuff matters. Does it represent who I am or do people get to misunderstand me and what I stand for as a person? Is it really fair to judge me based on my hair style (shaved head)? I recently changed my hairstyle to dreadlocks, now people are asking if I am a Rastafarian. Anyway what is wrong with being a Jawoman if you feel comfortable with it? The point I’m trying to make is that if I straighten my hair with chemicals which are not good for our environment I will be more appreciated.
But anyway Tiyani, let me not spoil your birthday. What I want to say to you is that thank God for who you are. Turning 21st in this crazy world is like a milestone other than moving out of your parent’s house and finding a decent job. Girls at your age are lying in hospitals; they are infected with HIV/AIDS. Some of these girls were robbed of their teenage and childhood by men who think they have rights to our bodies. Others (I don’t mean to be harsh) went out looking for it; they were so obsessed with material gains and life styles that they couldn’t afford. The easiest solution for them was to look for sugar daddies or become ladies of the night. Others of course were forced by conditions at home such living in abject poverty. I am not in a position to judge anyone about the issue of HIV/AIDS as we are all infected and affected by it. The point I am trying to make is that women often find themselves in situations that put them in vulnerable conditions.
In today’s demanding world and especially in South Africa, we have lost touch with our roots. The spirit of Ubuntu is dying and western values rule our lives. We have learned from our fellow being (western) that acquiring material gains is more important than loving yourself and those around you.
I have already indicated my lack of authority in telling anyone about the truth of life. The reason for this lack of authority is that I am also in a journey to uncover the truth. What I can tell you is that the first step towards realizing your potentials is to love yourself. I mean in every aspect. Don’t wait for your boyfriend/girlfriends to make you feel good.
I think the fact that you have turned 21 and working,you don’t have a child is a great accomplishment (apparently turning 21 and not having a child is one of the best indicators for a perfect child) .This standard has been set by the society. Ok I can’t help going back to the issue of challenges in our country, where girls and women are raped and become pregnant. According to this standard the girl who has been violated is excluded from the notion of being perfect? Is it fair for girls and women to be judged on issues of reproductive health and sexuality?
But any way, Tiyani, if I were to tell you my truth/experience, is that there is nothing liberating than being yourself. When you know who you are and what you stand for, it is easier to face the world. It means doing what makes you happy (not at the expense of other people), it is about the ability to celebrate life and appreciate your fellow beings, it is not about being arrogant and greedy. (I know that most of us want to belong to BEE clubs, and often we lose our values and our ubuntu during the process of becoming ama BEEs). It is about seeing things from your own perspective and also acknowledging that your perspective might not be the right one in a particular context. But most importantly, is about viewing the world from an African perspective.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ALL THE BEST OF LUCK.
Love Ditshego